Friendship-conflict activities help teens distinguish a misunderstanding from a boundary problem, rehearse a response and decide whether repair, distance or support is appropriate. Restoring the friendship is not always the right goal.
This guide is for therapists and counsellors working with adolescents. The scenarios and activities are original educational examples, not a validated treatment programme. Adapt them to the young person’s goals, communication preferences and clinical context.
Choose a safe and useful starting point
Use fictional situations, paper and optional partner practice. Ask what skill the young person wants to rehearse, such as clarifying a plan or responding to a privacy breach. Do not make group members act out their real disputes in front of peers.
Check for bullying, coercion, threats and other safety concerns before suggesting a direct conversation. A skills activity should not imply shared responsibility for abuse or require someone to negotiate access to their own privacy.
Six activities for different conflict tasks
1. Observation and meaning sort
Activity: Give pairs a fictional chat: a friend changes a plan without explaining why. Sort statements into observed, interpreted and unknown.
Example: “The plan changed” is known; “they wanted to embarrass me” needs evidence. Debrief: What question could clarify the change without presuming a motive?
2. Two perspectives, no forced agreement
Activity: Write what each fictional person knows, wants and may have misunderstood. Allow that one account might reveal unfair conduct rather than a simple misunderstanding.
Example: One expected a private conversation; the other thought it was a group plan. Debrief: What needs clarification, and what needs a boundary regardless of intention?
3. Boundary wording workshop
Activity: Choose one concrete limit and rehearse a sentence naming the desired action. Add a mild reply and practise a follow-up.
Example: “Do not post that picture of me. Please remove it.” Debrief: What can the speaker do if the other person does not cooperate?
4. Repair after a specific mistake
Activity: Name the action, possible impact and a realistic repair. Have the other character say they need time.
Example: “I repeated what you told me privately. I am sorry. I will not share more, and I understand if you need space.” Debrief: How can responsibility be expressed without demanding reassurance or immediate forgiveness?
5. Choose the next level of support
Activity: Sort fictional situations into clarification, a limit, distance or adult/service support. Explain that the choice depends on context, not a rigid score.
Example: A one-off scheduling mix-up differs from repeated threats or sharing private material. Debrief: What new information would change the plan?
6. Plan a conversation and an exit
Activity: Write an opening, a preferred response, a realistic unhelpful reply and an appropriate stopping point. Rehearse the opening once, then the exit.
Example: “I want to discuss what happened. If we start insulting each other, I will pause and talk later.” Debrief: Would meeting, messaging or asking for support be more appropriate in this situation?
Get our ready to use boundary activities for teens
Worked example: a shared private message
A fictional friend forwards a personal message to someone else. The teen’s hurt has a concrete basis; the therapist does not start by searching for an innocent explanation. They separate the fact of sharing from unknown motives and decide what support is needed.
The teen rehearses: “That message was private. Do not forward it again, and please ask the person you sent it to not to share it.” They also plan an adult-support route if the material is sensitive, spreading or threatening. The outcome may be a limit or distance rather than reconciliation.
If the friend apologises, the teen can acknowledge that without deciding immediately whether trust is restored. Review future behaviour, not only the apology. Avoid promising that a good boundary will stop further sharing.
Adapt the activity to groups and different communication needs
Use written dialogue, character cards or a facilitator demonstration. Let participants pass and choose what feedback they want. Do not turn the exercise into voting on whose friendship reaction is correct. In online groups, avoid displaying real chats or identifying information.
For younger or less verbally confident participants, offer two possible opening lines and invite editing. For an established group, compare two reasonable responses and discuss the contextual trade-offs rather than selecting one universal answer.
Frequently asked questions
Should teens always talk it out? No. Safety, repeated patterns and the other person’s willingness matter. Does an apology restore trust? Not automatically; trust may require time and consistent behaviour. What if the teen contributed to the conflict? Support specific responsibility without implying they caused another person’s harmful actions.
For broader exercises, see boundary activities for teens. For online-specific work, see digital boundary activities.
Boundaries in Action is an optional scenario-card resource for practising limits and I-statements. Check the current contents against your session goals; the activities here do not require the product.
Related educational resource: UNICEF’s different ways to handle conflict. These original activities are not a validated conflict-treatment protocol.