Helping teens ask for help involves identifying the support needed, choosing an appropriate person and rehearsing a specific request with a backup plan. A clear request improves communication; it cannot guarantee a helpful response.
This guide is for therapists and counsellors working with adolescents. The scenarios and activities are original educational examples, not a validated treatment programme. Adapt them to the young person’s goals, communication preferences and clinical context.
Start with the young person’s experience
Ask, “What happened the last time you tried asking?” Listen for dismissal, fear, unclear processes, inaccessible communication and genuine concerns about privacy. Do not assume reluctance is simply low confidence. Explain confidentiality and its limits before inviting sensitive information.
Use paper and a fictional low-stakes situation first. Offer writing, pointing, coaching or observing. Explain that the activity practises access to help; it does not make a young person responsible for adults responding appropriately.
Six activities to build a usable request
1. Find the actual request
Run it: Draw three boxes: problem, needed help and possible helper. Ask the teen to replace “help me with school” with a request someone could respond to.
Example: “I cannot identify the first question. Could you show me where to begin?” Facilitation note: Check whether the problem needs instruction, practical help, listening or specialist support.
Debrief: What made the request more usable, and what could still get in the way?
2. Match the helper to the need
Run it: Put fictional helpers on cards: teacher, clinician, friend, caregiver and service staff. Match each to an appropriate request and discuss limits.
Example: A friend might sit nearby; a teacher can clarify the assignment. Neither should be expected to solve every difficulty. Facilitation note: Do not assume family or a particular adult is safe or available; identify alternatives.
Debrief: What made the request more usable, and what could still get in the way?
3. Choose a communication route
Run it: Offer speaking, writing, a message, a communication card or asking someone to accompany them. Let the teen select and rehearse the route.
Example: “Could we find a private time to talk? I have written what I need help with.” Facilitation note: Check privacy and who receives or can access the message.
Debrief: What made the request more usable, and what could still get in the way?
4. Build a three-sentence opening
Run it: Write what is happening, what support is requested and when it is needed. Trim unnecessary explanations while keeping relevant context.
Example: “I am struggling to start the project. Could we look at the first step together? Is there time after class?” Facilitation note: The teen does not have to justify every feeling or disclose more than is needed for the request.
Debrief: What made the request more usable, and what could still get in the way?
5. Practise a partial or delayed response
Run it: The therapist plays an available helper who cannot act immediately. Rehearse asking about timing, another contact or the next step.
Example: “If you cannot talk now, when could we meet, or who should I contact?” Facilitation note: If the need is urgent, do not use a routine appointment delay as the whole support plan.
Debrief: What made the request more usable, and what could still get in the way?
6. Make a backup map
Run it: Write the first route, a backup route and what would signal a need for faster support. Rehearse moving to the second route after no response.
Example: A teen sends a school-support request, then follows the agreed contact process if it is not answered. Facilitation note: Use actual service arrangements and safeguarding procedures rather than invented promises of availability.
Debrief: What made the request more usable, and what could still get in the way?
Worked example: asking for school support
In a fictional case, Kai says, “I need help, but I do not know what to say.” The therapist helps separate a confusing assignment from fear of being judged. Kai chooses a written message rather than a public conversation.
They draft: “I cannot tell which instructions apply to my project. Could you show me the first step? I can meet after class if that suits.” The therapist rehearses a reply asking Kai to bring the task sheet. Kai practises locating it and asking for another contact if the teacher is unavailable.
The follow-up is to review whether the request was sent, how it felt and what reply arrived. If it was not sent, they explore the barrier and adjust the plan rather than treating it as refusal to engage.
Groups and caregivers
In groups, practise with fictional helper cards and avoid publicly identifying who lacks support. Members can compare request formats without sharing private contact details. Ask what feedback is welcome before others respond.
Where appropriate, involve a caregiver in a specific agreed support role. The teen may want help booking an appointment or a quiet reminder, rather than someone speaking for them. Follow the clinical and legal requirements of the setting; do not promise secrecy that cannot be maintained.
Frequently asked questions
What if the first adult dismisses the request? Acknowledge the experience and use the backup route. What if speaking feels impossible? Try a written or supported communication route. Is this suitable for urgent concerns? Routine role-play must not delay an immediate assessment or the service’s safety response.
For the communication framework, see DEAR MAN examples. For choosing a manageable first action, see ADHD activities for teens where relevant to the formulation.
For prepared communication-choice cards and mats, Say It Your Way is an optional engagement aid. It offers topic, response-mode and support choices; it is not a help-seeking assessment.
Educational background includes Victorian education help-seeking role-play guidance. The six activities and Kai case are original and should be adapted to the setting.