Six DBT Scenarios for Teens and Adults
Wise Mind is a DBT mindfulness concept for responding with emotional understanding, factual awareness and a deeper sense of what is effective. It is more than choosing a halfway point between feelings and logic. In practice, a client pauses, notices what is happening and considers a next step that fits the whole situation.
These six original Wise Mind examples show how therapists can move from naming states of mind to rehearsing a decision. Each includes possible client wording, a practice task and a debrief. They are illustrations to adapt, not the single correct answer to each situation.
How do the three states of mind differ?
| State of mind | What may lead the response | Useful question |
|---|---|---|
| Emotion Mind | The immediate feeling, urgency or impulse. | What am I feeling, and what does it make me want to do? |
| Reasonable Mind | Facts, rules, calculations or practical constraints, with less attention to emotional meaning. | What information and limitations matter here? |
| Wise Mind | Awareness of the whole situation, including feelings, facts, experience and what matters. | Having noticed all of this, what response seems fitting? |
Feelings and reasoning both bring useful information. Avoid teaching Emotion Mind as “bad” and Reasonable Mind as “good.” Wise Mind is not a therapist-approved answer, an instruction to obey or a guarantee that a decision will work out.
DBT trainer Randy Wolbert's discussion of Wise Mind emphasises its experiential quality rather than reducing it to an intellectual compromise. Use the language below to open exploration, then give the client time to notice their own response.
A short Wise Mind practice before comparing responses
Materials: None; paper is optional. Choose an ordinary, manageable decision. Ask whether inward attention is comfortable, and offer an external focus such as looking at a neutral object.
- Invite the client to pause without trying to change their mood: “Let's take a moment to notice what's here.” Eyes can remain open.
- Ask what feelings, urges and facts they notice. Keep facts separate from guesses about another person's motives.
- Offer a little quiet time or allow silent writing. Ask: “With those things in view, what feels like a fitting next step?”
- Check the response against safety, available information and the client's priorities. A felt sense is worth listening to; it is not proof that a belief is true.
- Choose a small action, or decide what must be clarified before acting.
Do not require breathing exercises, imagery or a particular bodily sensation. If the client feels pressured to produce a wise answer, reduce the task to noticing one feeling and one fact. The DBT Observe, Describe and Participate guide covers the foundational mindfulness skills.
1. Wise Mind example: a hurtful group-chat message
Situation: A teen reads a sarcastic comment about their suggestion in a group chat. They feel hurt and want to retaliate. The meaning of the comment and the broader peer context still need checking.
- Emotion Mind might say: “I'll post something cruel back so they know how it feels.”
- Reasonable Mind might say: “It's only a message. It shouldn't matter.”
- A possible Wise Mind response: “It hurt, and replying while I'm angry could escalate it. I'll leave the draft unsent, check what was meant and decide whether I want to set a boundary.”
Therapist practice: Use a fictional message, not the teen's private chat. Ask them to draft two replies: an immediate impulse and one they would consider after a pause. Invite them to explain what the revised response protects and what still needs attention.
Prompt: “What would let you take the hurt seriously without handing the next decision to the urge to retaliate?”
Debrief: “Does the draft sound like you? What do we still not know?” If there is bullying or a threat, plan support and protection rather than treating the problem as merely a mindset issue.
Adaptation: Practise an offline conversation or ask a trusted adult for support. Once a request is chosen, the DEAR MAN communication guide can help with wording.
2. Wise Mind example: receiving feedback at work
Situation: An adult receives a report with several corrections. They feel embarrassed and want to stop volunteering for similar work.
- Emotion Mind: “I'm terrible at this; I'll avoid these tasks.”
- Reasonable Mind: “There are corrections. Just fix them and ignore the feeling.”
- Possible Wise Mind: “I'm embarrassed, and there are specific things I can improve. I'll review the comments, ask about the unclear one and decide what support I need for the next report.”
Therapist practice: Write three fictional feedback points, including one unclear request. Ask the client to separate actionable information from interpretations about their worth. Rehearse one clarification question, then pause to notice whether the plan fits their actual workplace.
Prompt: “If embarrassment is allowed to be present, what information would you want before deciding what this feedback means?”
Debrief: “Did the response include both the emotional impact and a practical next step?” Do not assume all feedback is fair; humiliation or unreasonable demands may require a different response.
Adaptation: Use a study assignment or hobby critique. If the target becomes an ineffective withdrawal urge, consider the Opposite Action guide after checking fit and effectiveness.
3. Wise Mind example: deciding between rest and a valued plan
Situation: A client has a tiring week and an invitation to a small gathering they usually enjoy. They are unsure whether attending would be nourishing or too demanding.
- Emotion Mind: “I don't feel like going; cancel everything.”
- Reasonable Mind: “I said yes, so I must stay for the whole evening.”
- Possible Wise Mind: “Connection matters, and my energy is limited. I'll check how I'm doing and consider a shorter visit, another time or rest tonight.”
Therapist practice: List three realistic options. For each, note the energy demand and what it offers. Then pause the analysis and ask which choice fits the client today. Rehearse a message confirming that choice.
Prompt: “What would caring for your energy and your relationships look like in this particular situation?”
Debrief: “Did the plan respect your capacity? Were you choosing, or following an inflexible rule?” A wise response can be rest; the exercise is not a way to require attendance.
Adaptation: For disability, illness or caring responsibilities, plan around actual constraints. Do not assume flexibility exists where it does not.
Optional printable support: Explore the Wise Mind worksheet PDF if you want prepared practice and reflection pages. Its listing includes explanations, practice, journaling and doing mind versus being mind. The examples here can also be used with ordinary paper.
4. Wise Mind example: responding to a family request
Situation: A family member asks for help on a day the client has an important existing commitment. The client cares about them and feels guilty about declining.
- Emotion Mind: “If I feel guilty, I have to say yes.”
- Reasonable Mind: “My calendar is full; their feelings are irrelevant.”
- Possible Wise Mind: “I care about them, and I can't help at that time. I can say no clearly and offer another time only if it really works for me.”
Therapist practice: Ask what commitment would be displaced, what help is actually needed and what alternatives exist. Rehearse a brief response such as “I can't do Tuesday. I can help for an hour on Sunday if that is useful.” An alternative is not compulsory.
Prompt: “Can your response acknowledge the relationship while staying honest about what you can offer?”
Debrief: “Did you promise something you can keep? What would you do if the other person remained disappointed?” Wise Mind does not require preventing another person's disappointment.
Adaptation: Consider dependence, cultural expectations and coercion. A safer supported response may fit better than practising direct refusal.
5. Wise Mind example: an impulse purchase
Situation: After a difficult day, a client wants to buy an expensive hobby item that would use money set aside for a bill.
- Emotion Mind: “I need something good now; buy it.”
- Reasonable Mind: “Spending on enjoyment is irresponsible.”
- Possible Wise Mind: “Enjoyment matters, and this money has a purpose. I'll leave the purchase for now, choose something affordable tonight and revisit it with my budget.”
Therapist practice: Use a fictional budget rather than require financial disclosure. Ask what need the purchase promises to meet. Identify one affordable response to that need and rehearse leaving the item unpurchased.
Prompt: “What would take the wish for relief seriously without ignoring tomorrow's commitments?”
Debrief: “Was the alternative realistic and meaningful? What information would make revisiting the purchase useful?” Avoid moralising about spending or equating restraint with virtue.
Adaptation: Use a time commitment instead of money: accepting a new project despite an already full week.
6. Wise Mind example: a decision with missing information
Situation: A client is offered a new role but does not yet know the hours or flexibility. They are excited, anxious and feel they must answer immediately.
- Emotion Mind: “Say yes before the chance disappears” or “Say no so the uncertainty stops.”
- Reasonable Mind: “Compare every possible outcome until the correct answer is certain.”
- Possible Wise Mind: “I don't have enough information to decide. I'll ask about hours and the reply deadline, then make a choice with the uncertainty that remains.”
Therapist practice: Divide a page into known information, unanswered questions and the next available action. Choose the two questions most likely to change the decision. Rehearse asking them rather than continuing an endless pros-and-cons list.
Prompt: “What needs clarifying, and what uncertainty may remain even after you ask?”
Debrief: “Did pausing create a useful next step, or become another way to avoid deciding?” Agree a review point tied to the actual deadline.
Adaptation: Use choosing a class or activity with a teen. The therapist helps identify options without supplying the supposedly wise choice.
How to teach Wise Mind using these examples
- Choose one case. Start with a fictional or manageable situation, not the client's hardest current decision.
- Invite their language. Ask what feeling-led and fact-led responses might sound like. Their responses need not match the examples above.
- Pause the discussion. Offer quiet attention, external focus or brief writing. The exercise needs some noticing, not only filling three columns.
- Invite a response. Ask what seems fitting once the whole situation is in view. “I need more information” can be a useful result.
- Test its practicality. Check safety, resources and likely consequences. Rehearse one action the client chooses.
- Review the process. Ask what helped them notice and choose, rather than grade the decision as wise or unwise.
A one-page record can contain: situation; emotions and urges; facts and unknowns; what matters; what I noticed after pausing; chosen next step; what happened. These are original planning prompts, not a reproduced manual worksheet.
Wise Mind in groups, teen sessions and telehealth
Groups: Offer two fictional cases and let pairs compare possible responses. Ask each pair to explain their reasoning and what they still need to know. Different fitting choices are welcome. Participants can pass or observe. The broader DBT activity menu includes other session formats.
Teens: Use language they recognise, such as “the urge,” “what I know” and “what fits.” Include adult authority and support. Do not make agreement with adults the test of Wise Mind.
Telehealth: Check privacy before using personal examples. Offer silent notes, spoken responses or a shared blank page. There is no need to record the practice.
What if the client cannot identify Wise Mind?
Reduce pressure. Ask what made the exercise difficult: unfamiliar language, urgency, missing facts, an uncomfortable internal focus or too many options. A neutral object or concrete task may be more usable than imagery.
If distress is too high to consider choices, shift to support or a familiar distress-tolerance plan rather than demand deeper reflection. Revisit the decision later. Avoid using “find Wise Mind” to dismiss an emotion or interrupt a legitimate complaint.
For between-session practice, agree one ordinary decision and one review question: “What did I notice that changed my next step?” Review behaviour and context, not only whether the client felt calm.
For repeated practice: View the Wise Mind PDF's contents and format if prepared reflection pages suit your sessions. It is optional; all six worked examples and the teaching sequence are provided above.
Frequently asked questions about Wise Mind examples
Is Wise Mind the same as being calm?
No. A person may make a fitting choice while upset. Calmness can help some people notice more clearly, but it is not proof of Wise Mind.
Is Wise Mind always a compromise?
No. A fitting response may be a firm boundary, seeking help, waiting for information or acting promptly. It need not split the difference between two positions.
Can I use a three-column worksheet?
Yes, as a teaching aid. Include a pause and experiential noticing so the exercise is more than assigning sentences to categories.
Does a gut feeling prove that a choice is right?
No. Consider the felt sense alongside facts, safety and consequences. New information can justify revising a decision.
What if a client gives a different response from the example?
Explore why it fits their circumstances. These cases allow several reasonable responses; the therapist's preferred answer is not the standard.
Source and practice note
The concept is discussed in Behavioral Tech's Wise Mind series by Randy Wolbert. The scenarios, scripts and teaching prompts here are original educational illustrations, not validated standalone interventions or copied publisher handouts. Adapt them within the client's formulation and your clinical scope.